I stare at the rain devouring my window pane the night is falling like a river of shadows, and i look for you. I look for you, in my one eye epic monologue watching the running water of the tab i forgot opened on a pile of staring dishes begging me for a bath your all night subconscious visit hangover aftermath left me pregnant with an unfinished poem that i left hanging at your acceptance armoire when you are that close and far the ultimate lover and the superstar i look for you when you are not the one you are when you run into your shadow on a random visit In this first hello after a lifetime of hesitation In your first line after a library of quotation in the early morning birdy sunshine in my first smoke after your four hours of sleep in my haunting your caffeiney musky scent of my rising steam in my every hazily blurring dream where you come in your every self louder in the mute like the Hamelin piper in his red cloak flute as i bewitchingly follow i look for you in my father's prayer in his favorite chair in the memories we didn't make but share in my running away from you to you i look for you in places you never was, but were in the long walks i take to lose my mind but i end up losing myself to you instead i look for you in an empty bed in the ecstatic waves kissing my bare feet on the distance shore in the tight little fist of that almost 3 years old on his balloon thread just like my hope i look for you in my burning kitchen utensils in my crowded blog draft box in my half read books no show birthday parties and never returned back missed calls i look for you in every dress that i buy and never wear in every eye that looks at me as i to my screen, stare for your late night thought in all the jokes i can't remember, but laugh at in every time i see a Leonard Cohen in a hat and the man who cannot die killing time to live in my chaotic life wardrobe in every gaze of your eyes that i literally, stop to look for myself as i look for you in those i only share with the sky in the warm breeze of your silent presence i look for you in my mother's long hours of sleep and my relieved sigh when she wakes up in the windy winters of my insomniac summer nights and the gloomy sunshine of my watching you swept off your feet of any other gush of air, that isn't my metrical storm And in the furthermost corner of my heart, that is not tainted yet with this time and its tantrums, i look for you In the smiles of children, at their favorite toy store i word touch your every part playing my verse into your heart engine turning you on so that i may find you in the prayers of their mothers, in the thrill of the first rain drop kiss on my wet face, i look for you.
Then i keep searching in the secret pockets of time in smiling tears of relief i saw after they turned on the lights in a Jab Tak Hai Jaan dark hall where i relocated to join the first day first show squad in every wish i with them have ever been had in the endless sea of hopes popping in your mentions in the my logging in at your handle flash, blood rush like a dream we never had, but live(d). holding the time still l look for you in my freedom mind cell veering on my years off a lyrical memoir
with a silver anklet of three words and an apostrophe through the bars of my want what a soul stunt! Off my poetic Trapeze with no safety net we just jump and i find myself in your eyes arms, falling you're a man out of time my love and i am a woman who lives in your timings'Tag hands Sometimes when you are around you are still no where to be found so i look for you in the Urdu Ghazals that i can't understand without translation in the Poetic Birthday Cake that i may never know if it to you, tasted as sweet And in my mountain rock solid belief that you do when i look for you, are for me, looking too.
What did we do? or what is it that we didn't do? what oceans of wrong doings have we crossed what winds of right doings should we blow? for you to just breeze for our life breathing to breathe for a little among this hardship, ease in the fire of our doubts, we melt to freeze and the guilt hammers don't seize beneath your turbulent calmness what clouds could be heavier than our hearts cracking in your absence for you to rain what mirage could be bigger than your words oasis in the desert of your silence what could be purer than our rolling tears on the cheeks of every morning rose, a lonely dew drawing sad faces on your already wet window pane waiting for a playful finger to turn the line curves upside down for a smile what could be louder than your eyes calling, thunder what could be more tender than in amidst all this sadness your heart made up laughter in a caption that is the talk of town unbuttoned under the waterfall of our longing soaked yet burning a bit fire to the time ash what could be harder than love birds chirping in the mute like a broken flute where the air just comes in and out without making a sound what could be larger than the sky that holds our every time prayer in your name, but our missing you what could be more solid than the earth we grow from like seeds every time you scatter us away than our faith in you what could be more generous than the sun kissing us after your lips and laying from us to your lips, a caress what could be ever messier than this mess but your un-defied morning messy hair challenging all rules of gravity and creating its own a still sleepy, too early to wake up now! frown and a half stretched arm reaching out to an all night peeping screen in the chase of sleep fat fingers scroll almost sealed lips, full on a hugging smile minutes pass, then an hour it's time then to shower and turn into the other side of the world another smoke on the way rising like the first ever sun ray bare feet steps into the day putting off the cigarette half but and aside on the king size bed, the 17 million love peeping notification screen, left on.
The words are wicked They play in your absence Hide and seek Only i am too drained to chase every dot and every phrase I let them win the race of hope and curl in my fear Those damned what if(s) and may be(s) are the demons i have to fight you are so far, at times Yet at others, so near Nothing i hear That is not your voice This is the song i only sing when you're sleeping These are the words i say when you can't hear me This is the way i look when you don't show And you will never know The poems i will not share The metaphoric dresses i may never wear The kisses i fly to your photo frame That your eyes wide open beneath those blue glares i hate can't frame nothing is without you the same The piercing blame but i won't let you around To my pains of this epic happiness nor to my smiling sadness No. I want you to feel better So when in the delirious phase I take shelter in my heart of heart "We are never apart!" My every night to bed prayer and i close my eyes on a wish of a long with you, dream I am not alive and not dead. Something in between, that has no name. not happy and not sad something in between, that has no heart. i am in the middle of myself looking for you voicelessly calling you the one who has his ears in his heart and his eyes hold his soul. i see it this way, Philosophizing anyway, as indifferently as desperate your absence is more presence your silence is but a Nightingale song that shatters all my reasons what you think you hide, is revealed the more you run away from love, It is opened arms to catch you unwritten words are spelled in blood ink un-captured sights rise in a blink what you want to unsee, sees you and what you don't want to know may be better than you, knows no way out but in without is deeper within going is coming and black is white dying is living painful is healing alone is together and away is just right here. Dressed up in darkness the moon in your eyes and the sun you are the light, the whole and the none taking coldness up your sleeves firestorms at your every touch slowing down is that racing rush distance is but our collision space is union your ice is but my fusion letting go is holding on and lost in your present absence, is in your very presence, found. all the verse i exhaust enjoy it and the lines you frost in me, melt Happen! for you are meant to be rise in my gloomy sky, you just in your place run when the path is inside out embrace life let it squeeze you the tighter the loose and draw that cratered smile Even if in teary letters we only of so much happiness, cry.
I don't celebrate anything anymore but the carnivals of your to my eyes, comings i await your lunar arrivals like the fasting believer awaits his feast crescent every gaze starves me full and leaves me as hungry the ebbs of your absence fall on my aching shoulders of want take at my resistance their toll i drift within my hallucinating tides in defense mode. Ready for your apparition all of a sudden i take my life off stripping every moment without you on the floor of my solitude bare feet, and heartfelt. In the Heavy smoke of my dreams i take a dip drenched in your wined gazing to my verse rib I bathe in your sunlight stare tub rubbed with your every hint petal soaked into the musky aroma of your indirect speech rinsing all my doubts away in a dotted peck that you melodiously send across the wireless universes to my dimpled cheeks starry sky i scent your returns amber drip in your every screaming murmur gliding in my vigorous linger skipping in every dip a beat washed away in the happiness floods of your burning heart laughter sinking my faceless face into your hiding glares purified in the sacred water of your drizzle rising so gracious you are my love you come and bring a whole new world of happenings in a peek, that is just as tender Howling your thunder and lightening my darkest in your storming silence, tempest.
Then I wear your alluring glimpse My branded new dress is your erupted pulse designer, your Chirping Kiss that i pick off your blood rush veins hanger i like to fit into your getting only younger free size scarred skin released from within like a gypsy thought that you finally managed to put into floral words I bloom in between your sealed lips roaming my curved mind hips in a poetic blaze weaved into your timeless maze my blushing lines, boldly hiss as loose as stitched and for my vagabond hair style i ride your rosy arrival for a while clutched and clipped sprinkled in your Aristocratic Oudh and almost ready to celebrate your every festive arrival serving my sweet surrender homemade rhyming cookies and flying you over, my bruises of the soul love pumped balloons. "Together" you said For this year and every coming one locked in your juicy lips and the rose petals of mine Some Bulgarian Vodka and French red wine spilled over the New year's celebration our love kiss fireworks.
In a dark hall, I saw a tiered face happily smile at your sight a wrinkled skin beneath her eyes stretch the love of life, at your arms spread a mischievous sparkle of a beautiful hope drawn at your hands touch i saw happiness in faces that came just for you i saw children of all ages holding their breaths at every fist in your way silent prayers at the flying cars fear it might hit you knowing it won't but still, it's you! I saw hearts raised in eyes breaths held in throats i saw tears running at your sad muscles grips lives dancing at your fingertips on a melody out of their soul i saw it all in a dark hall sitting in my own world with you and your lifetime love story
So Rise the sun in your eyes and the moon spread your wings and hold the sky fly and let them try! they can't ban of your mind a thought. This love you earn this earth you carved with blood and sweat nothing they can shall hurt you or might i heard whistles at your name claps at your every frame i felt your presence in every shivering flesh at the crashing anger of your steps and i touched your feet at that dark hall temple where only blessings are offered in uncounted numbers and Hearts Box Office collection. Your smile beats the pain and when you laugh the world is but an autograph at your dimples flash You may not see them but they watch you you may not know them but they love you just like you do, unconditionally. and then i saw Him on my way in, after a long week of work and no pleasure how many days turned into nights sleepless beneath the life's bread wheel which moments to steal? He whispered to his exhausted self watching a colored poster waving from afar going through the crowd Counting in his hollowed pocket the cash a vision of his loved ones sparkling eyes at the worn out dark hall chairs kept him on his feet advance tickets will soon be at his greet "may be she will finally of her heart, laugh" the man to himself whispered "at the sight of the one man she probably adores, more than me." I saw a boy with his school friends cheering at the action Stunts a group of college girls their dream in your eyes swirls fire sighs at your unbuttoned shirt and when your eyes flirt even the silver screen, went red in our hearts bed we got you covered well warmed and wired let them be you are born just to be and for every life of me i will be there. along with all you inspired into your ecstasy your backbone of love and Full House always at your call, we are your Fan Firewall.
everyday someone new and the one we love is you you are not yours anymore all lines are blurring in your mirror be it a blessing or a shiver trigger ragging ocean or soothing river you weather but never wither like fine wine, the older the better all cliches work for you with much ease, you flow who are you? greeting you sometimes, he waves when he feels your itching after shave on a skin that shreds faces you wear in shadows and glares blue So whomever you that might be reaching out to your sea holding with love, your shore And he who walks by your side not even he you are way beyond your own, thee numbers bow before your endlessly and time, runs after you for a timeless selfie what more do you need? of ecstasy, you just got a seed you pass lives in a flock of smiles roaring your name on a spree crossing universes of eternity some boarded on their dreams birds others just took the skyline leap all on one heart screaming your love in the deep we hear you when you don't talk and when you do, your words, we keep standing tall on the fence of our minds guarding you with each loving thought chirping your loneliness away holding the earth for you to sway spinning along the melodies of your heartbeats and praying in every religion for your happiness Those you couldn't save, have saved you And those you are saving now are but in a long distance flight your love-belts. you touch our lives in ways you can't imagine you only do and we learn how to riding our madness for you the world becomes but a grip in our fists wearing your heart up your scarred sleeve gray hairs in your beard, red rush in your veins the faces are all Gaurav and the names are all the same collecting you in cigarette packs boxes and covering our power walls with your captions keeping you in our tenderness drawers for when the nights get a bit longer for when we hopelessly linger we curl in your eyes quilt and sleep.
I can't call this poetry or may be it is it's just that out of my heart kinda burst like many who couldn't be there in the flesh we know we are soul invited to your everyday more than breathing experience party.
So, tell me what do you do when the longing gets down on you and eats of your every piece anew creeping into your resistance stacks consuming your arrogant guts like snacks and leaving you starving full do you wish you never had to open your eyes for keeping a face so dear that you don't know what it looks like now So far in a dream, so near? do you brush your teeth rhyming a vague tune that may be was composed for her.. and every song lyrics you hum or get dressed only in her words wearing unbuttoned verses tops and worn out prose pair of jeans do you also wear her love? as you leave your hair undefied for her fingers to run the miles before you sleep into its gravity and pulls you through do you also burn your fingers in a cigarette long you forgot you lit? watching her dancing silhouette playfully rising off the mute smoke... do you listen to her loud silence whenever you spoke and in her absence, does your soul choke? do you hold this coffee mug tight as if she would rise on the black spill rhyming into your veins her tune turning your every December into her June right into your heart for phenomenal solace? Do you put together her face out of the puzzle pieces she is to you do you put out the fire of time calling her names nobody understands but you two? Do you ask the streets she never crossed, for her feet? and the roses she never got, for her breath.. Do you fight the demons of distance showing your craving self beyond a pair of blue glares may be she will swim their ocean once and rest in between your shore-lids? do you taste her blood of oblivion whenever you bite your lower lip? this whole of emptiness that never get filled no matter how wide you spread your arms, a spot in the left, aches that line of bittersweet breaks like nothing makes up for her absence nor presence do you roam the late night streets of solitude for her-never been to this town before- footsteps? and keep her always in your plate a love bite? because when its too dark, she is but your light the blindness of your insight and to her blurriness, you are the clarity? do you slide on the curves of her mind hips your fingers of ecstasy as she rides your steel pole of fantasy do you torture hope? the way waiting rapes your patience so you take out your seductive lot and kill her with a shot then die along tell me! do you arrest this stupid tear fleeing in the middle of a loud laugh snuggling it right back into the handcuffs of nostalgia to a touch that you couldn't to your memory, save and a tight hug that your arms only crave and when you are home, do you get for her Homesick? And when you can't live with her nor without mute becomes your shout and screaming, forever your silence do you tell of your sweet lies, only to her, your true? too? do you? Because darling, i helplessly do Infatuated i am, my love... just like you.
