Motherhood...

This Pain
is like a playful baby
that keeps toying around
with all my intimate belongings
breaking my every defensive silence
jumping all around my solitude furniture
smashing all my pride artifacts
I kept as defeat souvenirs
from your everyday struggles
against my heart
nagging,
for me to look at it
with loving eyes that has dried tears
traces in its corners
then it screams my soul out
clinging at my every failed attempt of anger
it innocently linger
rearranging my breathing
at its every grip
this hallucination cup i sip
caffeinated with a dream
sweetened with your moments' beam
it hides behind the curtains of my cliched smile
for me to worry about it
fetch it
in the alleys of my waiting
for what should never be waited for.
i look around like a weary mother
missing her only child
as it sneaks upon me from beneath your ribs
riding all your resistance beating horses
in the wilderness of anticipation
rolling all my pulse drums in a celebration feast
of my attention
This pain only grows up
well raised and ill mannered 
around my expectations lifetimes span
learning its first words in my poem-less verse 
stepping upon my empty bed
and crumbling its sheets of hope.
And when it's tiered
This pain gets hungry
sucking every life off my moments
cuddling all over my featureless face for
a kiss on the lips of my sadness
And then curls in my shivering chest
nursing of my fears breast
and biting all my doubts nipples
to blood.
and i hold it close until it sleeps
in the arms of my longing.
This pain is conceived every time
you close your eyes on me
an off spring of our carnal knowledge
in the dimensions of the mind mad reason mating
This Pain of your absence
is the son i never expected
and the daughter i will never condemn having. 
This pain of your absence
finds me like the family i can never runaway from.