S. O. S....

The words are wicked
They play in your absence
Hide and seek
Only i am too drained to chase
every dot and every phrase
I let them win the race
of hope
and curl in my fear
Those damned what if(s) and may be(s)
are the demons i have to fight
you are so far, at times
Yet at others, so near
Nothing i hear
That is not your voice
This is the song i only sing when you're sleeping
These are the words i say when you can't hear me
This is the way i look when you don't show
And you will never know
The poems i will not share
The metaphoric dresses i may never wear
The kisses i fly to your photo frame
That your eyes wide open
beneath those blue glares i hate
can't frame
nothing is without you the same
The piercing blame
but i won't let you around
To my pains of this epic happiness
nor to my smiling sadness
No.
I want you to feel better
So when in the delirious phase
I take shelter in my heart of heart
"We are never apart!"
My every night to bed prayer
and i close my eyes on a wish of a long with you, dream
I am not alive and not dead.
Something in between,
that has no name.
not happy and not sad
something in between,
that has no heart.
i am in the middle of myself
looking for you
voicelessly calling you
the one who has his ears in his heart
and his eyes hold his soul.

i see it this way,
Philosophizing anyway,
as indifferently as desperate
your absence is more presence
your silence is but a Nightingale song
that shatters all my reasons  
what you think you hide, is revealed
the more you run away from love,
It is opened arms to catch you
unwritten words are spelled in blood ink
un-captured sights rise in a blink
what you want to unsee, sees you
and what you don't want to know
may be better than you, knows
no way out but in
without is deeper within
going is coming
and black is white
dying is living
painful is healing
alone is together
and away is just right here.

Dressed up in darkness
the moon in your eyes and the sun
you are the light, the whole and the none
taking coldness up your sleeves
firestorms at your every touch
slowing down is that racing rush
distance is but our collision
space is union
your ice is but my fusion
letting go is holding on
and lost in your present absence,
is in your very presence, found.
all the verse i exhaust
enjoy it
and the lines you frost
in me, melt
Happen!
for you are meant to be
rise in my gloomy sky,
you just in your place run
when the path is inside out
embrace life
let it squeeze you
the tighter the loose
and draw that cratered smile
Even if in teary letters
we only of so much happiness,
cry.