Always on My Mind you baby...

Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Happy New Year Love...

I don't believe them
those who say it's just a myth
my Santa exists!
He wears his heart upon his sleeve
a tie and a Hat
my Santa is a night bat
He comes to my mind
when all my reasons are asleep

and plays with my sadness
his games of love and madness
years fly with him in me

and every new year i make my list
of things i can no more resist

So be

just be for me  
this coming year too
as pink as blue
turn into my intimate fantasies,
grow longer arms and hold me tighter

meet me where our happenings encounter
touch me on your way to your way
touch me all the way of my way

across the happenings skies of distance
color yourself nude

chained as you from me to me, elude
polish my nails of herd
then land on my expecting lips
and paint your absence red
wear your black cloak of silence
and hold on to my moaning eyelashes 
that firm and thick
and waterproof

then unbutton that shirt of my rush
and lay bare on my rosy cheeks, a blush
whatever you seek darling,
only you, seeks
blow your hot comings winds
into my dripping wet hairs of longing
dry my anger off in a life breath 
sprinkle your sandalwood arrival
with your parting amber lips
around my neck
and when i slip into my night gown of yearning
i want you to curl into those laces of solitude
relocate my orbits of magnitude
upon your heart equator

See, i thought i would make you a list
of things i want from you to be
so naive of me
all i want is for you to just be
that skin deep into me
i won't wear you in lines and shades
not even in linguistic texture
or sweat you in lusting moisture
but i shall breathe you in an intimate linger
a shrieking holler
as mute as a screech
i want your happenings  on the leach
so i will put my red loving on and a hat
sledge on your words in the snowy speech
fill my sac with your unmade wishes
and wrap my mind gifts with poetic ribbons
at your Happy New Year lighted tree.


This Year has been so good to me and i know the best is yet to come..
May all your moments are filled with only love, happiness and heart joys Shah..
May you find as much beauty in your eyes as you bring to ours..
God Bless you and your loved ones..
Happy New Year to you,

Monday, December 29, 2014


What we see
blinds us
and when we stare
it blinks
what we listen to
is what hasn't been said
and what we don't hear
shuts us up
we hold your air
and hug your sweet nothings
breathing you in
in a life we die for
tasting your bittersweet silence
chewing on your present absence
we pretend we are jolly perks
enjoying the heroic act of selflessness
needing less of what we don't get
craving more of what we already own
but the fact is we are not saints
we do break down in our filthy selfishness
and drench in those rivers of wanting
we are weaker
when we are strong
we cry louder
at the happy lyrics of your once hummed 
When you fire kiss
my lucid lips
my burning ice melts
what we think we have
we unwillingly, miss 
we run further
when we are still
And while we are waiting
we arrive  
The more we hide,
we expose.
The more we keep,
we lose
whatever we kill,
we live
and the more we care less,
we care only more

What to do?
all my things just long for you
my coffee cup is a bit salty
and that lunch meal gets only colder
the blanket still holds my dreamless dreams
i can vividly remember
of your coming
and on my pillow,
the monsoons of your refrain
before my window
i lit a candle...
as i wonder
what is harder to handle
your happening to my way
or my not happening to yours...?


Thursday, December 18, 2014


They sway,
and play
as Hard as tender
They Plough ,
bluff ,
and dough ,
as soft as tough
They are my exile and shelter
They fly,
falling in tears and laughter
Your fingers,
in my mind body, wander
They curl and spread
scream in my poetic bed
metaphorically-cuffed loose
your fingers blues,
rise at your Husky voice tone
dance on your pulsating groan
your fingers throb and moan
at my fantasies bursting rush
They giggle
around that dangling cigarette
as they wiggle
upon the bare skin of my mind
your fingers spill and spell
stanzas of the chaotic verse
of your longing heart, in a touch-less touch
your fingers scream in a nicotine stained hush
i listen to their energetic deliverance speech
when your lips get sealed on your blush
your fingers unleash my hunger
every line is a an urging rapture
every turn they make, is a promise
of erupting pain and pleasure

Your Fingers rain
and snow
marinated rivers of fantasy
They cling,
sling and whisper
Your fingers are the warfare and the warrior. 
But your fingers are braver than you
they pose bare to my cupidity
hang on tighter to my infatuation stupidity
they caress where your eyes spear
and sensibly lick where i bleed 
They grip where in me your stares burn
and flick where i desperately plead 
your fingers are prophets of your creed
and i am of your religion,
 a follower
Your fingers know my brain curves
my pain surfs 
and stormy quivers
The kings of your silence 
abducted in your absence 
They have a language of their own,
that only my eyes speak
cryptic at times
tender and sleek
mostly enchanting, like the seduction gods of the Greeks
And when you wave
my each gaze is your slave
and your fingers are the masters
of my ecstasy
just like your cruel lips
sometimes they show no advocated propensity
they wear your heart
at the bare unfold
so many secrets,
kept and told
as shy as bold
your fingers are magicians of disguise
little pinky Houdinis and thumbing Jadugars
landing on my bosom's planet Mars
The Rulers of my kingdoms of Treasure
your fingers unbutton my mental shirt of pleasure
pat on my scented anticipation
firmly cuddling my exhausted hesitation
your fingers i shiver
And when you talk with your hands 
your eyes inevitably blink
heroically your fingers punctuate
those savage clauses that i hum
my veins drip in a roaring drum
How wonderful would it be
if i can have your exotic fingers speak of me..
upon me
about me
around me
for my muted me..i wonder
what these fat juicy wild triggers
have in me to scribble?
too much wordless words
your fingers within me, nibble  
messengers of lust
passengers of blast
your fingers make love to my craving fertile imagination
and i.. give birth to poems with your fingerprint namesake.



Wednesday, December 10, 2014

Fan Notes...

and hopeless
awake in a dream
dreaming in the wake
restlessly still
and patiently restless
waiting for what doesn't arrive
hating how we can still for, strive 
yet we survive..
our every day life queries
mistaken soar grapes for ripe cherries 
we get drunk on your perfect imperfection
asking too much of what we are not allowed to
hanging on to your utopian myths
we become Greek goddesses and gods
in our own agnostic pantheon
what high stuff are we on?
we are high on you!
and we just give

Question-less answers
and unanswered Questions
Tamed Expectations
and untamed anticipations
wanting what we can't afford
and affording what we don't want
Hallucinated realities
and reel time hallucinations
we just by all means, live!
in our world, we make believe
we look for each other in DM boxes
feast on your little detailed shots
gently hiding with you from you
yet posing bare in your mentions bar    
when you're sad 
we cry in virtual tears
rolling warmly on flesh cold cheeks
that your fluffy petting fingers can't kiss 
and in your happiest moments
with you we laugh
riding your dimpled added photograph
in loud cheers
for a joke by then you said
that we sometimes don't understand
and was probably not for us anyway
picking off what you said,
what you don't
we think we know 
what you don't show
but what we do know is what we think
we always have with you a link
as much of an awaited lover,
as for our loner souls you become the mate
Staying up late,
we haunt your name in Morning newspapers
in the countries where you don't live
pierce the graphic heart with our initials' arrows 
in the margins of books you don't read
we nurse in your love our selfless greed 
track billboard neon lights
for your glamorous ad brand
in the crowded streets of our longings
we collect in our heart drives your belongings
your shirtless shirts
and your flying lip-less kiss
with a thank you note on a sound cloud  
in our sleepless mind eyes
we keep you entertained
laying within the sight and the vision
bursting of our each darkness a moon
off your shimmering light
we live...

We live In affirmative denial
and in denying affirmation
accepting the love we think we deserve
yet deserving the love we can't afford to accept
we become your falling water showers 
your own human made towels,
freshly brewed coffee beans for your lips
and your favorite tobacco pack of cigarettes
we become things you use
and use you
in your love, my love
we hold on to what we don't get
as we get what we can't hold on to
we turn into rosy gardens in mid winter
Hot summer winds in the arctic snow center
we stare in our steamy after shower mirrors 
for your passing by angel face
smiling "Khoobsurat hai tu!"
being this crazy for you
and more
we live.
Flying to you in paper kites
singing for you in birdy chirps
running to your literal 140 charachters'arms 
lip locking phone screens in The .AM bed
whipping those tears we smilingly shed
at your silence
madly insisting
vulnerably resisting 
we crumble 
just like you
we love you,
a love that is too big
for all the linguistic heritage to decipher
and perhaps more than a 3 hours length celluloid can ever action.   




Tuesday, December 2, 2014

Family Frame...

If you think i only see you when you shine
think again...
i see you clearly when you refrain
i see behind your walls of pride
and within your doubts, my strength collide
like a family your pieces hold me
when the wholeness of certainty lets go
what you run to hide, show
in the pet shop boys suburbia
and the loosened dog from hell
Set free in our b&w cell
where what we can't afford to admit,
we spell
we live in the realms of our own delusional reality 
a family of love  
where the father to my orphan soul 
is your hug
and the mother to your ecstatic waterfall 
is my kiss

And sometimes your silence cries like a son
innocently clinging to my nursing heart
and experimenting all your naughtiness on me
at first it hurts
with all its baby milk teeth
so my anticipation areola aches
but if that's what it takes 
so be it!
it has to be fed
so i smile and give you more
how could i ever not?
isn't that what motherhood is all about?
Sometimes your absences hit me
like an angry possessive brother
leaving more bruises to my soul
at my verse's wearing your presence 
with a cleavage
after a fanciful night in your darkness
or tease me like a jealous sister
if these bare verses
get sometimes, over dressed.   

So, like a loving family 
i feel you...
The bird talk you chirp
the tears you smilingly dew
the storms you rise in your silence
the wind sways your comings blew
the buds you bloom in your glances
the seeds in my veins your lips threw
the mountains you move under my skin
the skies in your hiding cocoons i flew
the butterflies you migrate to my stomach
the musky breeze your arrival to my life lines drew
the fires your lips started
the moment we kiss and burn
infatuating the night through
the way you are always to me
the way i may sometimes, happen to you
the true liar and the lying true
the wire and the nightingale
that is  black and blue.

Everywhere i see you
beneath the shallow layers of my small talk 
within that lengthy crowded lonesome walk 
around that broken dish i slipped yesterday
and that cooking ware i burned the other day
staring at that poem i never got to finish
And that book i can't seem to pass its page 10
in the card game with dad i finally get to win
and the dull girls night out i used to enjoy
i see you in my foggy trembling joy 
at your latest camera smooch 
your eyes make love to my sight
and it gets blurry in my quivering leery shots
When you glance speck my soul chops
as you eyelash my mental G.Spot
spear my velvet lips with your glares...
hang me against the walls of your stares 
on my way up to your mind's chaotic study  
i come..looking at you
riding my mad senses in due 
steaming in my late night black coffee
and howling in that last cigarette before sleep
So here you are!
in my warmed up fingertips window
under my demanding blanket
Almost too perfect to be perfect
and in between the craving lines
you are about all the words undercover
stripping my metaphors to the gutter
and when you laugh
my heart longs for a photograph
my lips yearn for a licentious autograph
my mind craves for a twinkling caption
one to hang on the naked walls of my life's unliving room
for the one family i live and didn't get to pose with in a frame. 

My Poems Recitations for My Shah...

VFXed.. Dreams.. Fan Notes..