me asking myself
picking dusty books at 3.am
off my shelf
what is it exactly do you want?
(Me scolding my lunatic whining self)
unconditional you always said!
so what if he floated a bit!?
don't you want him to be himself?
hold on to your words or never say them!
or is it your untamed ego again?
my inner conscious talking some sense to me
at the totally wrong time i think!
but then the lover in me taking over
Yes..i want your happiness
Even knowing i won't touch it
as it burst in your dimples flash
or that cute moment when you fold your eyes
but since you even stopped to share your eyes words
i am only in the gutter of your mood speculations
and your obstinate silence doesn't help much there!
Yes i want you always soul healthy and Heart fit!
most humorous in the wisdom of wit
knowing i won't get to hide
in your mightiest eloquent biceps
or pose by your bragging articulated veins
i wont be the one preparing you healthy mind dishes
and secretly skipping on the insomniac nights
with sneaked in big thriller macs and verse fries
Doritos bags of love quotes
and an on stream of the black list
along with the random thoughts' kids cuddles,
getting away with the guilt
and your smoke rings drawing me circles of tainted air
i won't be the there of everywhere..
But Yes! i want you on top of the wordily world!
even knowing i wont get to share a red carpet fan moment with you
stretching my hand for a trembling shake
or a scented you flying kiss
i won't be an award for you to childishly hug and bless
i won't be at the back stage of your head while giving that funny speech
i won't be hiding in your hair's park as you swing your fingers for inspiration
i won't be that lighter in your pocket
you keep touching for some fire escape exits
when it suddenly gets too hysterically loud
Yes i want you the best of everything
knowing i cant keep away the thorns of the roses to my heart
and only give you the nectar
being as close as far
i can't hide all those sad news to myself and make you only read
the comics and the horoscopes
i can't stop all the alphabetical clocks till you arrive
so they stop complaining you are late!
late for what, for god sakes!
you are time darling, in a D&G poetic wardrobe
the slickest time could ever get
and the most enchanting for that matter
breathing moments in your volcanic blare
But still it's not enough...
for i can't uncry those tears you shed in a scene
and pretended you were acting
I can't unhug those arms you held once and they left
with pieces of your chest
i can't unwrite those poems,
you heart-recited before your eyes
in former red Tag Heuer specs,
or how they made it to your bookmarks
i can't be what i want to be
i can't even let you let me
i can't wish it either
shooting stars don't work for me anymore
knowing it all
i can't unlove you
even if you want me to
i would only love you more
knowing you might kick me out
off your heavenly hellish presence
for some peace of mind
so my love,
feel free to break my heart
its a privilege for my heart to be broken
by the only one who made it into the bloody pumping life business.